I know. It’s been a long time.

I know I haven’t posted here in what seems like forever. I have lots of excuses and perhaps a few of them are legitimate reasons, but what’s done is done. So today, I make it up to you with this article from Wired magazine which asserts that WW is an RPG. Enjoy!

Even if.

Getting back on track is particularly difficult for me. It’s so easy to let one slip become an excuse to eat poorly the rest of the day, which, in turn, affects how I eat for the rest of the week. I missed weighing in this past Saturday, and will probably miss this coming Saturday as well. While I have been sticking to the Core plan in principle, there has been an unknown amount of off-plan eating. Perhaps I should find a way to weigh in this week, even if it’s not on my regular WW day. Even if I have to bring the children. Even if I think I might see a gain. Even if. That’s what WW has been for me. To keep on trying, even if.

Weigh In Day

Saturday is the day I go to Weight Watchers. My DH watches the kids and I head over there after breakfast to face the scale. Surprisingly, I was looking forward to going today. I’ve been doing Core all week and, with the exception of running out of “extra” points by Wednesday, I felt I’d done okay. I mean, I drank a lot of water this week, and I managed 10 whole activity points! All my hard work paid off–I posted a 1.8 lb loss! Yay me! I’m going to stick with Core another week and see if I can keep this up. How was your week? Good? Bad?

The Eve of Weigh In….

It is the day before my “first” weigh in, after having been off the wagon, so to speak. I have no idea why I am sitting here, fearing a small electronic device. Maybe it is because I have spent so much time watching it move in minute increments up and down. I seem to stay the same weight, regardless. I’ll go down as much as 5 or 6 pounds. And then gain it back in a week. Stay on a plateau for a while. Lose 2 pounds. Gain 1/2 a pound. And so on. I really need to break this cycle. The funny thing is, I know it isn’t Weight Watchers that is the problem. I just don’t like to say that the problem is me. I know that I cook good food. Not fatty food – usually. Good, WW approved, low fat food. But somewhere along the line, I am eating too much. Or not good things.

I love waffles. I love bread with butter. Add nut butter, and I’m in heaven. When I crave a snack it is bread that I want. Or chocolate. But chocolate cannot live in my house. The last time I tried to have chocolate in the house it was gone in less than 2 days. Sigh. I have had to come to the conclusion that bread is not my friend. I want it. I love it. I crave it. I cannot control it. But I cannot simply remove bread from my house. I have children that I need to be making lunches for, and they eat the waffles from the toaster most mornings for breakfast… But I have to be really honest here… I don’t need to eat the waffles. And I don’t need to have the English Muffins (oh sweet temptation!).

The other thing that I am realizing is that I go back for seconds. On the flex plan I lose faith because I consistently go over points. I GET HUNGRY! I am hungry a lot on flex. Really hungry. I don’t do hungry well – just ask the extra hundred pounds hanging out on my lush Rubinesque body. But with core, I just don’t like not having bread! (see above) Or figuring out how to fit in chocolate and ice cream on occasion. The sad thing is that once I get it into my head that I am being deprived, I NEED TO EAT. So I was just getting started on the Core plan. Good point? It is forcing me to find alternatives to the foods I usually eat. Good alternatives. Bad thing? I eat when I should not. I go back for seconds because I want to eat, not because I am hungry. Getting in touch with my “inner hunger” is proving to be a challenge.

Some one just beat me over the head. Please?

So. Tomorrow. Me. The scale. The paper – I don’t like the paper when it tells me I have gained weight. Hopefully the person behind the desk will be someone I don’t know. I haven’t been back since the person to weigh me in was Jessica from my old city college. Looking slim and lovely. (She lost a whole 25 lbs to be behind the desk. Pardon me – I apparently have fat prejudice. I need to see someone need to lose at least 75 pounds before I start to feel like they might get the place I am in.) There I stood, fat, in my sweats, having gained 2 pounds, covered in baby snot, and toting a toddler. Sigh. Life is just not fair. But – I will go back. I will weigh in, and I WILL get past 10 pounds this time! And perhaps if I have to stare at her pert little self each week, I will be more inspired to not be a fat slob. One can hope. I’ll post the scale reading tomorrow. Will I be 235? 240? Gasp 245? Who knows.

The suspense is killing me.

Literally.