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Saturday is the day I go to Weight Watchers. My DH watches the kids and I head over there after breakfast to face the scale. Surprisingly, I was looking forward to going today. I’ve been doing Core all week and, with the exception of running out of “extra” points by Wednesday, I felt I’d done okay. I mean, I drank a lot of water this week, and I managed 10 whole activity points! All my hard work paid off–I posted a 1.8 lb loss! Yay me! I’m going to stick with Core another week and see if I can keep this up. 
How was your week? Good? Bad?
It is the day before my “first” weigh in, after having been off the wagon, so to speak. I have no idea why I am sitting here, fearing a small electronic device. Maybe it is because I have spent so much time watching it move in minute increments up and down. I seem to stay the same weight, regardless. I’ll go down as much as 5 or 6 pounds. And then gain it back in a week. Stay on a plateau for a while. Lose 2 pounds. Gain 1/2 a pound. And so on. I really need to break this cycle. The funny thing is, I know it isn’t Weight Watchers that is the problem. I just don’t like to say that the problem is me. I know that I cook good food. Not fatty food – usually. Good, WW approved, low fat food. But somewhere along the line, I am eating too much. Or not good things.
I love waffles. I love bread with butter. Add nut butter, and I’m in heaven. When I crave a snack it is bread that I want. Or chocolate. But chocolate cannot live in my house. The last time I tried to have chocolate in the house it was gone in less than 2 days. Sigh. I have had to come to the conclusion that bread is not my friend. I want it. I love it. I crave it. I cannot control it. But I cannot simply remove bread from my house. I have children that I need to be making lunches for, and they eat the waffles from the toaster most mornings for breakfast… But I have to be really honest here… I don’t need to eat the waffles. And I don’t need to have the English Muffins (oh sweet temptation!).
The other thing that I am realizing is that I go back for seconds. On the flex plan I lose faith because I consistently go over points. I GET HUNGRY! I am hungry a lot on flex. Really hungry. I don’t do hungry well – just ask the extra hundred pounds hanging out on my lush Rubinesque body. But with core, I just don’t like not having bread! (see above) Or figuring out how to fit in chocolate and ice cream on occasion. The sad thing is that once I get it into my head that I am being deprived, I NEED TO EAT. So I was just getting started on the Core plan. Good point? It is forcing me to find alternatives to the foods I usually eat. Good alternatives. Bad thing? I eat when I should not. I go back for seconds because I want to eat, not because I am hungry. Getting in touch with my “inner hunger” is proving to be a challenge.
Some one just beat me over the head. Please?
So. Tomorrow. Me. The scale. The paper – I don’t like the paper when it tells me I have gained weight. Hopefully the person behind the desk will be someone I don’t know. I haven’t been back since the person to weigh me in was Jessica from my old city college. Looking slim and lovely. (She lost a whole 25 lbs to be behind the desk. Pardon me – I apparently have fat prejudice. I need to see someone need to lose at least 75 pounds before I start to feel like they might get the place I am in.) There I stood, fat, in my sweats, having gained 2 pounds, covered in baby snot, and toting a toddler. Sigh. Life is just not fair. But – I will go back. I will weigh in, and I WILL get past 10 pounds this time! And perhaps if I have to stare at her pert little self each week, I will be more inspired to not be a fat slob. One can hope. I’ll post the scale reading tomorrow. Will I be 235? 240? Gasp 245? Who knows.
The suspense is killing me.
Literally.
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