Today I start again, or really come to terms with the fact that I will never spend a day in my life when I am not thinking about my weight. I will be fat or thin, but I will always need to be thinking about my choices or face an ever larger reflection in my mirror, disgust at my figure, and the constant self hate of the grossly obese. After my last post, I think I stopped trying for a while. I was too bent up inside about my own failings. I don’t know if I will succeed, but I know that I cannot stop trying, and that I have to actually do what I tell my mind that I do. So today I ate a salad for lunch. It was 11 points, but it was a salad, and I have a chance of eating all of my fruits and veggies today because of it. Instead of trying to lose weight, as that always results in my gaining weight somehow, I will simply try to change one habit at a time and to honestly keep track of what goes in my mouth.

Today, I will eat all my vegetables, as well as drink enough water.

 

Day One.

Weight 252.4

I have gained 21 pounds since I started trying to lose 85. My goal is now to lose 100-115 pounds.